By Liz DeBetta, Ph.D. As an adoptee, one of the things I obsess about is the concept of home. I have spent many years trying to find “home.” I moved across the country, almost married the wrong person, moved back to my parents’ home with my two cats, moved into my own apartment, got engaged (again), married the wrong person, moved one state over, got divorced, moved back to my “hometown,” moved twice more in that same hometown, met the right person, moved across the country together, moved three times in the new state we lived in, moved across the country again, finally bought our own home. And now we are spending our second holiday season in the home we found together, after many years, and many miles of searching. But what is home? And why does it feel so much more complicated this time of year? In my book, Adult Adoptees and Writing to Heal I wrote, “The concept of “home” is fraught for adoptees. What, and where, is home when you have been separated from the only home you ever knew — your mother’s womb? When you have been taken from your country of origin? When you have been placed in temporary foster care or an orphanage before being placed in an adoptive family’s home? Each of these disruptions creates a sense of insecurity and impermanency. Nothing is safe. Nothing is stable. Nowhere is home.”
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By Janell Strube Most December babies get called Christmas babies, but I was no Christmas gift– unless you consider regifting a baby to be a valid present. Ah, adoption. Years ago, I stumbled across the book, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge. A blurb on the back cover said something about birthdays being painful, and something twanged inside me. It was the first written material I’d seen on the subject of adoption outside of a newspaper article I’d read while living in Europe in my early 20s. That newspaper article had stated that adopted girls often had eating disorders and some adoptees described themselves as coming from another planet. At that time I thought, Do you mean to tell me someone else did that too? By Daryn Watson The holiday season is often viewed as a “joyous” time for family and friends to get together in celebration. What happens, though, if you are alone and you don’t have anyone to celebrate the holiday season with? This can lead one down the rabbit hole of feelings of loneliness, isolation, not feeling good enough, etc. I’ve seen many social media posts by adoptees who feel “left out” by not being with their families (adopted or biological) during the holidays. Our thinking turns into survival or protective mode. We want the holidays to be over so we don’t have to see or hear more commercials or social media posts about the holidays. What if it’s possible to look at the holidays from a different lens? A lens where we don’t feel dread day after day, year after year, during the holiday season? The good news is, it is possible to change how we view and experience holidays. I’d like to take up a bit of space to introduce myself. My name is Hannah Andrews, and I’m AKA’s current newsletter and blog editor. I’m a Baby Scoop Era US domestic adoptee. I was born in Chicago, adopted at five weeks, raised on a farm in central Illinois, and now make my home in San Diego. While I grew up knowing I was adopted, I didn’t dive into what that meant until just a few years ago. In 2019, I attended a writing conference. I wasn’t writing (or even reading) about adoption. I signed up for one presentation, not realizing that an author writing about her experience as a birth mother was the guest presenter. It was dumb luck and serendipitous. A whole new world opened up to me. I requested my OBC and began a search for my natural mother that very day. Unfortunately, my search yielded a grave. Along the way, though, I found a half-brother, cousins, my ancestral lineage, stories, and photos. Best of all, I found THIS COMMUNITY. I’ve been fortunate to meet adoption constellation members through social media, support groups, and conferences. It has made all the difference to me. It changed my life. by Anne Heffron It can be tricky making friends when part of your brain thinks if your mother didn’t like you, why would anyone else. Maybe the making part isn’t as hard as the keeping part. You can make a friend in an instant, but then you can say or do the wrong thing or get triggered or trigger someone and then, in an instant, because you are having a hard time thinking straight because too many alarms are going off in your mind and body, you can lose a friend. |
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April 2024
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